Papa

My papa passed away about 30 years ago. And only those who were left behind will know that the pain does not really go away, and that it stays with you for the rest of your life. Maybe for me, partly because, I have not been the daughter that I should have been. But regardless of the circumstances, I know I love my Papa, and he loves me.

After he died, I would dream of him periodically.

I would remember my dreams of him vividly. Most of it, me and him eating together and just enjoying the food on the table. But in all of the dreams I have of him, one stands out.

In that dream he clearly said, that no matter where I’d end up in this life, he will always love me. Until this day, every time I share this dream to other people, I end up crying because even in my dreams, Papa knew that I was so scared of the choices I made and was making. Even in my dreams, Papa knew that I needed someone to assure me that I will not be alone.

When I think of Papa, I think of the things that I was not able to give him. He was a quiet man, who worked hard for our family. And I feel, I was not even able to thank him once for the life that he has provided us.

Had I been mindful that life is short, I would have taken purposeful steps to show and tell him how grateful I am that he is the BEST father that God has given me.

I love you Papa.